How to Foster Deeper Connections with Your Bab

1. First focus on yourself

Distractions are everywhere, and we often forget to ground ourselves before connecting with our child so we can be fully present. I like to focus on two things to ground myself: my breath and gratitude. 

2. Development is not a race!

Your child's development is not about reaching endpoints, because your child is never finished growing. When you do away with hard and fast milestones and start to see development as a process of flow, you and child can more readily engage in meaningful connections that are the basis for true development.

3. Let go, get goofy, have fun, and narrate, narrate, narrate

Brain-building play doesn't require toys or distracting things. In fact, these can often get in the way of genuine connection and creative thinking. Think about simplifying your child's play options and reducing objects around your home to amplify human connections.

4. Child's routine is the framework for connection

Between child diaper changes, baths, meals, naps, and bedtime, your daily routine is full of mini opportunities to integrate moments of meaningful connection. It turns out that moments of routine are perfect for introducing stimulation and novelty, because these patterns are ones that your child likes and expects, and when they feel safest to explore something new, the child is more open to learning. 

5. Be intentional with your cell phone

Your child might be nearby while you're reading this article on your phone, and you might even be holding them in your other arm. Everything happens on screens, and it’s nearly impossible to put our phones down, but our cell phones diminish high-quality connection and can break down the natural “serve and return” responses. According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, “serve and return” interactions with you are critical for deep connectivity between neurons in child’s early brain development. When your attention is directed at your phone, your attunement to your child diminishes in the moment. Try your best to use your phone intentionally and set it down (even if it’s just for 5 minutes) when it’s time to connect and play. Remember, child is obsessed with you. 

6. Listen to advice that serves you and throw out the rest

Nothing can disconnect you faster than the constant barrage of parenting information and advice. Advice often comes as a one-sided opinion based on one person's experience, when in reality, there is never one right way to parent. With all advice, understand your options and choose what feels right for you.

7. Get rid of guilt

Our awareness of the importance of the early years of our child growth often leads to a heavy dose of self-imposed guilt. Are the child eating the right food? Am I playing with the child properly? Am I using the right laundry detergent with the child? So many questions. But we intuitively know that guilt doesn’t serve us in the end, and if anything, it’s just another barrier to connecting. I like to always remind myself that there’s no perfect way to parent; child are resilient, adaptable, and forgiving; and every day is a new chance to build a stronger bond with my child.